Useless Ramblings of a Dreaming Teenager

I warning you--this is gonna be a crazy post created completely from my crazy mind. And I'm a wanderer. So that's exactly what I'll do here. Naturally, even. You should be impressed.

Richelle Mead is officially one of the most talented authors I've ever seen. Seriously. Yesterday I finished re-reading The Last Sacrifice, the final installment in the #1 New York Bestselling Vampire Academy series, for the somethingth time and I was as blown away this time as I was the first time. First of all, there's Dimitri Belikov--who barely needs an explanation after the first sight, and then there's Adrian Ivashkov. It's really too bad one of them gets his heart broken at the end, but the other's happiness is completely worth it. Plus he gets a huge part in the spin-off.

And where does this lead me? To read the newest Young Adult book from Mead, the spin-off called Bloodlines. No, I have not finished--I've been busy--but it's still amazing. I can hardly wait for June/July when I'll finally get the second. Richelle--I love you, but I wish you could've made your book come out faster. I do, however, hope your new son is as talented as you as he grows.

Sometimes I wonder, after reading books like that, I wonder if I'll ever have a love life. With someone as amazing as Dimitri or lovingly infuriating as Adrian. Someone smart and talented who'll be as hung over me as I am over him while I'm slung carefully over his shoulders. What would it be like? Would his eyes burn with an intensity so breathtaking I had to look away so I wouldn't suffocate from the look alone? Would a loving touch be all it take to make my heart swoon?

Would it even be real? Ever?

These are all things that go through my mind--and not just when I read these books. Every day. Another thing I ask is; Would I ever be good enough for him? And the only answer I can come up with is that I can cross my fingers and just hope that someday I will. God is there today, just for me, and until (and if) the right guy ever comes around I can be happy with just that.

Of course, you might be wondering where Bryce (this is my temporary name for him ;) ) fits into the equation. And honestly, I can tell you I have no clue. I want to be with him--yes--and my heart does swoon for him everytime I see him--and more--but I don't know if he is 'the one'. Hey, I'll figure it out someday.

Another thing I learned when rereading these books is that you pick up something new every time. I did in several parts in reading The Last Sacrifice. Though I suppose that's usual :)

Ciao
C

Jumbles and Jumbles of Me

I hate being bored and full of thoughts. Therefor, here is a blogpost just to empty out all my crazy, churning thoughts that never go away and get it out in random orders and as fast as I can.

You can stop reading if you want to. I'll be darting around. You don't have to follow along with my talking where I discover myself again.

First of all, I'm tired. I'm really tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of not having enough time to write. I'm tired of waiting for a good time to talk to Bob. Tired of complaining about being tired of life. But oh well. I have to deal with it.

I want a hug. I want a hug from Bob, actually. I want to see into his soul everyday and all the time rather than a few lucky instants when he plays the Tom Toms without his coat, or wears a hat. Is that bad? A little touch makes me yank my arm back from instinct and yet I want more than that. So gentle he is...

That reminds me. I need a better name for Bob. Bob doesn't fit. Only his true name does. But I can't call him that. Not on here. So I need a better, soothing one like the one he has. I'm brainstorming. So from now on he will be known as 'Unknown' until I think of a better name. Which might take a while.

I think my favorite feature of Unknown is his eyes. Even though I avoid them and rarely get to actually see them I love them. They are the darkest brown, just melding with the black pupil at the middle, and on anyone else I'm sure they would be hard and strict, but on him (whens he regards me) they are the sweetest, most innocent eyes I've ever seen.

The beauty of them reminds me of my own. Or maybe it's because they two pairs are the only two I can imagine in my cluttered brain at any time. I don't know. I just know that they remind me of the other.

I think maybe it might be the deepness in them. The depth. The falling you feel when staring into them. I think maybe that signifies true beauty for me. The depth of someone, and their personality.

Sometimes I think about 'my type' and if I have one. It almost seems to me that I do, because B--I mean Unknown is so much like my last huge school-guy crush (this was actually pointed out to me in a dream...). Who knows.

Except Unknown is different from Jordan because Jordan was cruel to me--and only me--whereas Unknown is nice to me and only me. There's also quite a difference in looks--Unknown is way more beautiful. I'll be lucky if I catch him.

-C-