I hate being bored and full of thoughts. Therefor, here is a blogpost just to empty out all my crazy, churning thoughts that never go away and get it out in random orders and as fast as I can.
You can stop reading if you want to. I'll be darting around. You don't have to follow along with my talking where I discover myself again.
First of all, I'm tired. I'm really tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of not having enough time to write. I'm tired of waiting for a good time to talk to Bob. Tired of complaining about being tired of life. But oh well. I have to deal with it.
I want a hug. I want a hug from Bob, actually. I want to see into his soul everyday and all the time rather than a few lucky instants when he plays the Tom Toms without his coat, or wears a hat. Is that bad? A little touch makes me yank my arm back from instinct and yet I want more than that. So gentle he is...
That reminds me. I need a better name for Bob. Bob doesn't fit. Only his true name does. But I can't call him that. Not on here. So I need a better, soothing one like the one he has. I'm brainstorming. So from now on he will be known as 'Unknown' until I think of a better name. Which might take a while.
I think my favorite feature of Unknown is his eyes. Even though I avoid them and rarely get to actually see them I love them. They are the darkest brown, just melding with the black pupil at the middle, and on anyone else I'm sure they would be hard and strict, but on him (whens he regards me) they are the sweetest, most innocent eyes I've ever seen.
The beauty of them reminds me of my own. Or maybe it's because they two pairs are the only two I can imagine in my cluttered brain at any time. I don't know. I just know that they remind me of the other.
I think maybe it might be the deepness in them. The depth. The falling you feel when staring into them. I think maybe that signifies true beauty for me. The depth of someone, and their personality.
Sometimes I think about 'my type' and if I have one. It almost seems to me that I do, because B--I mean Unknown is so much like my last huge school-guy crush (this was actually pointed out to me in a dream...). Who knows.
Except Unknown is different from Jordan because Jordan was cruel to me--and only me--whereas Unknown is nice to me and only me. There's also quite a difference in looks--Unknown is way more beautiful. I'll be lucky if I catch him.
-C-
